Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

I laid in bed, not wanting to face the day. 

“Are you getting up?” my husband asked.

“Yeah.  In a minute.” I replied, knowing that whether I got up or not was questionable.  Over the past few weeks, I had been feeling fatigued and overwhelmed, but this morning was even worse.  I had been up all night worrying about my daughter, playing out all of the worst-case scenarios in my head, and wondering what I could do to help her.  Couldn’t things be easy for once? Why couldn’t she just turn in her homework, at least attempt to do her chores, and for goodness sake, stay out of trouble?

I knew why.  Like me, she had ADHD.  She often forgot to complete homework assignments, and when she did complete them, she forgot to turn them in.  She couldn’t get her chores done, because there were so many other interesting things to distract her along the way, and she was constantly getting in trouble for impulsively responding to us and her teachers.  The child had no filter what-so-ever.  I wished I knew how to help her.

I needed to do something before I snapped – for my sake and for the sake of my family.  I wondered what would happen if I ran off to live on a deserted tropical island where no one could find me…

Anyone who’s been on an airplane has heard, “put your oxygen mask on first” before attempting to help small children with theirs.  This concept is important, but all too often forgotten when we are raising ADHD children.  We get so wrapped up in taking care of our children that we forget to take care of ourselves.  Parenting, in and of itself, is stressful, but when you add an ADHD child to the mix, that stress is intensified.  WARNING: Neglecting self-care can and will eventually lead to overwhelm and burnout.  When this happens, we have lower tolerance to frustration, and it becomes even more difficult to address issues, plan, and problem solve.  Some parents begin to react from an emotional state, while others tune everything out.  Be honest with yourself, how is this benefiting you or your child? When you’re overwhelmed or burnt out, can you react in a calm, rational, supportive way? Probably not.  More than likely, you will begin to feel frustrated, if not angry or resentful towards your child.

This is why self-care is so incredibly important.  As parents, we need to make sure we are eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep.  It is also important to schedule some “me time” to recharge your batteries.  If you’re thinking, “But I don’t have time!”, I challenge you to ask yourself whether you can afford the alternative. 

Beware of Burnout

At this summer’s ADDA conference I attended a talk about ADHD and burnout given by Linda Walker. While the talk focused on burnout as a result of being overworked, it occurred to me that burnout is a real issue for parents raising ADHD children, especially if the parents are ADHD themselves.  Stress from work and home can leave parents overwhelmed, eventually leading to mental and emotional shut-down.  It may seem impossible to escape these stressors and take care of oneself, but the risk of burnout makes self-care that much more important.  

Identifying Signs of Burnout

Symptoms of burnout or impending burnout can be physical, emotional, or behavioral.  Some warning signs include a chronic tired or drained feeling, muscle aches or tension, headaches, back pain, loss of motivation,  and feelings of failure, self-doubt, or helplessness.

Preventing Burnout

When stress is coming at you from all sides, it is essential to take care of yourself.  Let's face it, when we don't take care of ourselves, we are less effective at home and at work.  This leads to more stress and creates a downward spiral, which will ultimately lead to burnout and/or other issues.  Here are a few suggestions for preventing burnout:

• Keep a success journal.  This will help remind you of your strengths, accomplishments, and what has worked in the past.  This can be extremely helpful when you reach a point where you don't know what to do.  
• Keep a gratitude journal.  Find at least 3 things to be thankful for each day, even in times of high stress.  I could go into all the benefits of this one, but the bottom line is that this can do wonders for your outlook and your ability to cope with stress.  Don't believe me? Try it for yourself!
• Exercise.  Another essential aspect of protecting yourself from burnout.  It improves mood and reduces stress.  If you're not into hitting the gym, find ways to squeeze walking, your favorite sport, or other physical activities into your day.  
• Get enough sleep.  Let's face it, our brains go to mush if we don't get enough sleep, something you might want to remember the next time you decide to stay up late in an effort to "catch up".  Chances are, you'll only be putting yourself further behind in the end. 
• Eat a healthy diet. When we don't eat right, it affects our body and our mind.  
• Practice mindfulness.  Meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a moment to notice how you are feeling emotionally and physically can help recharge our batteries.
• Set boundaries.  It's okay to say no, it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to set rules about how you'll allow others to treat you.
• Schedule "Me" time.  Spend time with friends or engaging in your favorite activity.  It doesn't matter what you do as long as it gives you a brief escape from daily stressors.  It's all about recharging your batteries so you don't get to that point of overwhelm and burnout.