Top Mistakes Parents Make When Raising an ADHD Child

The other day I was reflecting on the mistakes I’ve made as a parent, and the mistakes I’ve watched other parents make.  The result of this reflection was a list of some of the top mistakes parents of ADHD children make.  As you read this, remember that no one is perfect.  I think we are all guilty of some of these from time to time.    

·        Thinking ADHD behaviors are intentional.  ADHD children do not leave a mess just so you have to clean it up.  They get distracted and move on to the next thing without even thinking about it.  Similarly, they are not purposely ignoring you.  It's just that their mind is focused on something else, and they are not processing what you are saying.  If they are hyperfocused, they may not even hear you.

·        Allowing ADHD to be used as an excuse.  While it is important to teach your ADHD child to advocate for him or herself, it is also important to avoid using ADHD as an excuse.  I stress with my clients is that there is a difference between excuses and explanations.  Instead of using the excuse, "I can't do that because I have ADHD", ADHDers need to focus on explanations such as "I have ADHD, so I need (insert strategy here) to help me do this" or simply “(strategy) helps me to do this”.  For example, a child might say, “playing with a stress ball really helps me to pay attention”. 

·        Being too rigid about how things need to be done.  For example, I've heard parents tell their children that homework must be done sitting at a desk.  Parents need to allow kids the flexibility to figure out how they work best.  Their minds are not wired the same way as non-ADHDers, so they may need to do things differently in order to succeed.  Focus on the end goal versus having a required path to get there.  Parenting an ADHD child requires creativity and flexibility.

·        Expecting their child to complete large, overwhelming tasks on their own.  Even adults with ADHD tend to shut down when faced with large, long-term, or overwhelming tasks.  Instead of telling your child to clean his or her room, help them break it down into smaller, more manageable tasks, such as “put your toys in the toy box” and “pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper”. 

·        Ignoring their child's struggles.  Ignoring ADHD does not make it go away.  Understand that you’re child struggles with certain things and work with him or her to create strategies that will help. 

·        Always focusing on the negative.  Children with ADHD receive a lot of negative feedback.  It is so important to recognize their efforts and celebrate successes.  Your child has his or her unique strengths and talents.  Make sure you take the time to appreciate those strengths and encourage your child to excel in those areas. 

·        Being unrealistic.  Let’s face it, ADHD comes with several obstacles, and it is impossible to work on all of them at the same time.  Focus on one or two things at a time, and set realistic expectations.

·        Not taking care of themselves.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – Parents need to remember to take care of themselves! When you are stressed and overwhelmed, you cannot be the calm, supportive parent your child needs.  Take the time to take care of yourself by eating right, exercising, and making sure to schedule some time for yourself.